i have developed into a cynical escapist. a depressed paranoid antagonist.
an unhealthy human being.

and for art sake perhaps that is key to creating the works that really move people...
but i unfortunately have been more deep in destructive behavior (while still being straight edge) than productive, constructive expression.

at any rate. i'm challenging myself to find a way out. started self-analysis and self-improvement, both new age and not.


met Amanda Jones, famous modern pet portrait photographer. she was not as kind as i had hoped, a shallow sense of niceness and lack of enthusiasm for aspiring photographers like myself who waited an hour to meet her and discuss her works.......... shame.


failing this semester in school. i cant find any joy in being there, anymore. even with one class that still fascinates me, i am so exhausted and unenthused to be in school in general that my thirst for knowledge has completely escaped me.


i am terrible at communication, being a girlfriend, and creating art worth giving a shit about.


whatever. i have no direction.



but back to that self-improvement........................